The Boogie Man Should Pay My Power Bill

It's common knowledge that the best way to protect oneself from boogie men, closet monsters, creepy clowns under the bed, and the like is a good thick layer of blankets pulled tightly over one's head, possibly tucked under one's pillow for additional safety.

The problem with this time tested defense is that, during the summer months, you end up with sweat pouring off you like a flume ride. So what's a monster conscious person to do?

There are a few options. You can opt for the single sheet defense. Let's face it, though. One sheet? You may as well be there naked between two pieces of rye bread.

One sheet is not nearly enough to keep out higher level boogie men. Sure, it might deflect the odd boggart or heebie jeebie, but boogie men laugh at that junk. One sheet is never going to cut it. If you're brave enough for one sheet, hats off to you and your iron will. Your second option is the one leg out, or "showgirl".

While this is a great temperature regulation move, you might as well be dangling a ham hock out for that creepy clown under the bed. Do you have any idea how long those gaunt, black nailed, vein covered clown fingers are? They'd snatch you in a second.

The only logical answer is to crank the air conditioning to allow for a substantial enough blanket layer without temperature discomfort. This also has the added benefit of making it too cold for a lot of the thinner, bonier monsters with low body fat who will move on to warmer hunting grounds.

Of course, this results in crazy high electric bills! I think it's high time boogie men either take responsibility or leave people the heck alone.